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whenisthinthin's Journal
Created on 2006-06-05 19:17:08 (#10388026), last updated 2007-01-15
34 comments received, 80 comments posted
Basic Account [Gift]
14 Journal Entries, 0 Tags, 0 Memories, 0 Virtual Gifts, 6 Userpics
Basic Info| Name: | whenisthinthin |
|---|---|
| Location: | Nebraska, United States |
Bio
Pangs of pain,
sweep constantly through my stomach,
with every beat of my heart,
I can hardly bear it.
My jaw is clenched tight,
yet upon my face is a grin,
it has been a full 8 days,
since I did begin.
I haven’t eaten since then,
and I won’t eat for a few more,
until I am so weak,
I lay unable to move upon the floor.
My arms are getting thinner,
I can almost see the bone,
it makes me so happy to know,
how much smaller I have grown.
But there is still so much more to lose,
so much I cannot control,
even though I can see my ribs,
and my face is no longer full.
I don’t want to stop,
I don’t even want to drink,
the only time I’m satisfied,
is when I’m too weak to think,
when my eyes are too heavy,
yet I cannot sleep, barely blink.
My face is now so gaunt,
and I feel so very weak,
but it feels so nice,
though I am so bleak.
People stare as I walk past,
wondering why I am so thin,
avoiding any kind of food,
made only of bones and skin,
I may look pathetic to them,
but to me this is the only way I can win,
to prevail over my thoughts,
the dissatisfied person within,
always saying I’m not good enough,
over and over again,
I was never beautiful,
I wasn’t good enough to begin.
Every time I look in the mirror,
the only thing I can see,
is what I look like to myself,
not what I might really be,
no matter what anyone says,
I know I’ll never be pretty,
I’m not as thin as they claim,
I only see what I want to see.
There is nothing that can change my mind,
make me feel better about my appearance,
all I know are my problems,
and awaiting their disappearance.
So I will hold out another day,
or I will hold out more,
I won’t give in to what they say,
I won’t give in if I’m dying on the floor,
unable to move,
wanting to reach for the door,
the hunger within my stomach will kill me,
no matter how much it does implore,
I won’t listen to it’s cries for food,
I will deny it forevermore.
Until the voices inside me stop,
they stop telling me what I am not,
until they say I’ve finally reached,
this image that I have sought,
they tell me what I’ve always wanted to hear,
until that space inside me is finally full,
when they will be content with how I look,
and tell me I’m beautiful.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/11350301/
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External Services:
 | whenisthinthin@livejournal.com |
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